Elf Life

Posted Wed 10-28-09

Still looking at the video replay of Filis' vicious attack on a witless recruit. Although we can't see him, it's Biff the brownie walking us through the action.

Wiseguy elf looks to one side, confused.

BIFF:

Slowing down the picture, our hapless victim has lost track of General Filis. She jumped back the other way.

Filis leaps over the sword.

BIFF:

Our mark is just turning back around as Filis jumps down on the flat side of that big sword!

Wiseguy elf looks up in terror, as Filis bears down on him from above.

BIFF:

The full weight of General Filis, while not tremendous, surprises him and yanks him down hard.

Filis leans in with a terrifying face.

BIFF:

Freeze frame! Note that the face he's looking at is not an optical illusion. Cue file footage.

Now we see Baughb making the same face, although he's actually even better at it. He's got a snarl and maybe even some blood dripping from his lips.

BIFF:

For this occasion, Baughb taught General Filis an advanced technique -- the mask of evil!

Filis balances on the sword as wiseguy starts letting go of it.

BIFF:

Extremely effective in close range combat. And predictably, Marcus Doofus lets go in fright!

Now we see a sequence of action unnarrated. As wiseguy lets go of the sword, Filis launches forward. Her knee catches wiseguy right in the head. Wiseguy's head is left spinning, but then we see Filis' foot coming down on his helmet, mashing his face into the ground. She rears back to kick -- and kicks!

FILIS:

I told you I wouldn't -- raise a finger -- against you!

Finally, we see wiseguy's helmet flying in the air.

BIFF:

Oh, the humanity! But General Filis does what she must. I better go get her coat before she decides to make an example of me, too.

Editor's note: "humanity" is an imprecise translation from the common elven tongue of the time.